i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
