I hope mine doesn't look like that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
