Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I touched a dick in church today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize