After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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