The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
