remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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