Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if only i could text you this smell
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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