I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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