woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
