You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
