I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
