I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
