At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
