The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
