Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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