Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
