At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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