hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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