I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
