I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Come see our sink grown plant.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They took my balls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize