I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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