I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
