I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
