I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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