I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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