lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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