Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The power of my boobs compel you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
