he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pooping to opera.
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