My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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