He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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