I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize