Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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