i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the condom got lost in my hair
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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