I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
