Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
