you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
