I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
