i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
