I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
