I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
