Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
