Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
