Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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