Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
