Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
