people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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