is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so let's talk penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
