As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
