I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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