brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize