We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
