matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
