I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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