i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so let's talk penis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
