smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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