I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
