What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
