3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
