Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
