With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
