I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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