If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
