he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
