your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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