dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
